i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize