so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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