Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
