Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
