I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
