You don't have asthma, your pregnant
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize