Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
