He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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