i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
