I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize