Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
