I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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