so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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