Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Randomize
