he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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