I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
