dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
