NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
