We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
