I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I have already put on my inside pants.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
