remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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