Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
