Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
