i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
