I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize