I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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