I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
