the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
