you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
