so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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