Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
should my penis look like a turkey
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
