It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
