Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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