I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
no, he came in my armpit
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize