My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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