I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
