Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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