Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
