So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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