I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
