I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
