dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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