keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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