she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
