Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You ruined the universe
Randomize
