South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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