Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
