Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
