Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
