i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
