I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
