wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
