dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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