i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
