She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
