There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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