if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
