Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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