When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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