I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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