Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
This is my gift to your gina
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
