umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Randomize
