You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
