sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
