More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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