Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
